I was so deep in survival mode

That it impacted my ability to write.

I am a writer by nature, but I was so traumatized

That my words struggled to come out right.

That was one of the worst awakenings I had,

Because I felt like a shell of my true self.

I vowed never to let myself get that low again,

And I would never give that power to someone else.

I don’t know if it’s the neurodivergence

Or the simple fact that I lacked guidance

On how to embody a woman strong in her power,

Without seeming crazy in lieu of passionate or without the use of violence.

I’ve done all my shadow work.

I’ve had several dark nights of the soul.

I’ve lived, learned and died in repetitive cycles

And it began to take its toll.

I’m no longer putting up with shit I don’t want to.

I refuse to overwork myself to death.

I only entertain who and what makes me happy.

I refuse to give until there’s nothing left.



I’m walking into a season of rediscovered womanhood.

To finally become who I am meant to be.

And finally get rid of the role of Big Dog-

The nigga that still resides inside of me.

Big Dog is a go-getter who learns lessons the hard way,

But I desire a life where the teaching comes with ease.

Because I’ve suffered too many seasons.

Where the pain had me crying on my knees.

So many harsh lessons,

From those who were supposed to show me love.

All that taught me was what love wasn’t,

But I never learned what it was.

What does it feel like to be loved

Not for what you bring to an imaginary table?

Don’t love me because I’m a hustler,

So I can pick up your slack because you’re not able.

Struggling and being in my Big Dog energy

Is not the aligned path for me.

I’m a flower that blooms in sunlight,

Not darkness, stress and misery.

I flourish in my femininity.

I have no desire to be a hardworking man.

I am meant for a soft life only,

And I will no longer deviate from the plan.

Author Teliesha.Sharee